We, the People of the Politically Incorrect Board of 4chan, hold these Truths to be Self-Evident: that all People are Equal and inherently endowed with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. --That to Secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, -- That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, and lay its foundation on such Principles and Organizing its Powers, as to most likely effect their Safety and Happiness. It is for this Reason that we have established a Bill of Rights.
Parliament shall make no Law regarding religion, or prohibiting the free, peaceful exercise thereof; of abridging the Freedom of Speech, regardless of Content, or of the Press; or the Right of the People to associate freely, among themselves, or to peaceably assemble, and petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Parliament shall make no Law banning any Idea, or the peaceful Expression of that Idea, or any Parties that may rally to that Idea, or bar its members from Participation in Government.
Parliament shall make no Law barring the People from Owning the Things in which they Create, are Given, or gain through Trade, or barring the free exchange of those Things.
It is the Right of the People to be secure in their persons, privacy, houses, papers, effects against unreasonable searches or seizures, and that right shall not be violated. No Warrants shall be issued, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or Affirmation, and describing, in particular, the Place or Thing to be searched, and the persons, things, or data to be seized and or put under surveillance.
A well armed Populace, being necessary to the security and survival of a Free State, the Right of every Citizen to carry, use, and train with weapons, firearms, live munitions and organize in Militias shall not be infringed.
No Soldier shall in time of peace be quartered in any Privately owned residence without the explicit, uncoerced consent of the Owner, nor in time of war.
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval or air forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall any person be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public, or corporate, use, without just compensation.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of peers, from the district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.
In suits of common law the right of Trial by Jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the Politically Incorrect Board of 4chan, other than according to the rules of Common Law.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual bans or other punishments inflicted.
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.